Johnathan is a married Iraq war veteran with two children. Cynthia has been married to Johnathan for 10 years and is Johnathan’s caregiver. Johnathan suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). Johnathan also has severe back problems, torn ligaments in his knee and multiple health issues suffered when his Humvee hit an Improvised Explosive Device (IED). Johnathan was rated as 100% disabled by the VA and is unable to work. Cynthia applied for the VA caregivers program in 2010 to help with Johnathan’s care. She was approved for the second tier and started receiving payments for Johnathan’s care. The caregiver program instituted by the Veterans Administration (VA) for post 9/11 veterans was meant to be a way to help families of our newest disabled veterans work through their issues by providing financial assistance to the families. Johnathan served during the push for Fallujah, one of the biggest battles of Iraq and Cynthia feels Johnathan has given with his health and now she is expected to take care of Johnathan while they struggle to raise 2 children with what the VA pays them.
Cynthia loves Johnathan but is concerned about their financial situation. Many spouses in the care givers program have quit their jobs to provide 24/7 care for their veteran. Because she cannot work due to Johnathan’s injuries she feels trapped because the Federal government expects families to deal with veteran’s wounds of war. Johnathan has seizures and is not able to drive. Cynthia feels she is a chauffeur, nursemaid, mother, waitress and everything but a wife. The caretaker program places Cynthia in a precarious position. Staying at home with Johnathan to care for his needs leaves little time or energy for her own career aspirations. Cynthia has a bachelor’s degree in Business but her duties as Johnathan’s caretaker gets in her way to have a career. Working outside the home without someone to care for Johnathan leaves Cynthia and Johnathan vulnerable to a life of poverty because Cynthia cannot have a career. As Cynthia’s student loans continue to build up, she struggles to pay the minimum because of their financial situation.
Being in the caregiver’s program is also a no win situation. The VA’s caregivers program causes additional strain on veteran’s relationships with their caregivers/spouses by eating away at the fabric of those relationships. These caregivers serve as spouses, nannies, mothers and nurses. The VA is putting the vet and their spouse in an impossible situation. Over time being a caregiver of a veteran can cause the veteran and caregiver to become resentful, feeling trapped and devoid of the intimacy required for a marital relationship to be successful. Both the veteran and the spouse feel that they can’t leave and they can’t stay.
Cynthia has been struggling as Johnathan’s caregiver. She is ill more often due to a compromised immune system possibly caused by the stress of two children, financial problems, and a disabled husband. The stress of being Johnathan’s caregiver is causing depression and anxiety in Cynthia. Because of the stress, she can’t be the mother or wife she feels she should be. She has heard the caregiver program may be discontinued. She is worried about where the money will come from to pay the bills and care for her disabled husband and two children. Cynthia quit her job to care for Johnathan and now fears going back to work will leave Johnathan alone and unable to care for himself because he needs constant monitoring due to his seizures. She also fears not having someone to care for Johnathan might make him susceptible to suicide.
Recently there have been changes to the program. I know of several instances where an increase was asked for and met with a decrease or removal from the program. The request for an increase trigged an audit of the caregiver status which put them at risk for the decrease. It appears the VA has established tighter requirements. I can see the caregiver program going away or being held to a higher standard. This may be just the beginning.
It may be worth noting that spouses of disabled Vietnam Veterans never had access to a caregiver’s program. Necessity demanded that they find ways to deal with their veteran’s disabilities without government help. The newer generation of caregivers could learn important lessons from these spouses with experience.
These spouses should not have to be the caregivers of disabled veterans because the Government was not prepared for the aftermath of two wars lasting 15+ years. As a mental health professional I am concerned about these caregivers. The caregivers program was intended to be temporary but does not seem to have been geared toward helping spouses transition out of caregiving and back into the role of mother or spouse. I don’t know the answer to these tough challenges. I believe the VA tried to deal with a massive problem in good faith. However, there will never be enough money to pay our way out of the debt we owe to our veterans and their families. These families are paying the price for the Government’s lack of being prepared. We can’t expect spouses to pay with their relationships, their health and their sanity, we owe them as much as we owe the veterans. There has to be a better way.
For questions or comments, I can be reached at afterdutyvets@gmail.com or visit our website at marriedtoptsdpro.com and like us on Facebook at Married to PTSD Pro.